I have autism. There are physical side effects to this, such as interference with the way my brain processes incoming visuals and audio. There is also a personality issue as well in that I was behind in emotional development. In other words, I did not know how to behave in a relationship and did not know how to maintain a healthy one. I had to learn and it was not easy.
But, despite all that, despite the years of frustration, I found someone. I found Ashley Thomas in the most unlikely of places, a free online dating site called Plenty of Fish. I apparently was not using it the way every other guy did in that they were trying to hook up. Ashley, for her part, was just trying to find someone to talk to. I stumbled across her profile and sent her a message early on the morning of Friday, March 11th, 2016. We talked. We exchanged phone numbers. We made friends on Facebook. We met in person on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2016. We got into a relationship.
I understood from the beginning that this relationship had the potential to be something truly special. I made no secret of my autism right from the outset. I understood that the knowledge of my atypical mind had driven many potential dates away, but I wanted to be honest. She understood. I was able to truly be myself around her and I thrived in it.
Ashley moved out to Lawrence not long after we started dating so we could be closer to each other as I continued through school. It crossed my mind early on that I wanted to marry her, especially as I grew more comfortable with her and we got to know each other very well. We began to anticipate each other's actions and thoughts. I knew this was a relationship that was meant to last. In no time at all, she became my longest relationship.
I don't remember the exact moment I decided I wanted to spend my life with Ashley. But I do remember the moment I decided how I was going to do it. For months at the end of 2016 and the beginning of 2017, Ashley needled me for a ring. I was vague about how I was going to do it because at that time, I did not know how I was going to do it. I told her sometime in Spring, which for me is March 1st to May 31st.
On Thursday, February 9th, 2017, I was pushing carts at Walmart when it finally struck me. Our anniversary was a mere six weeks away on March 22nd and it happened to fall right during the middle of Spring Break. Taking her out on an anniversary date would be the perfect time.
The key was doing it. I had always imagined pulling an engagement surprise. Sure, she would know that a ring was coming, but she could not know the when or how. I crafted a plan; we would go to the Nelson-Atkins Museum in Kansas City, Missouri that day as part of our date. There was a lawn out in front of the museum that I would propose to her on.
On Thursday, February 23rd, after days of shopping online, I picked out the ring. I had it sent to Wichita, where I would pick it up when I was ready. In the first week of March, I started telling my family and friends that I was about to propose to Ashley so that they would not be blindsided. The surprise was meant for Ashley.
On Friday, March 10th, the ring was ready. I went down to Wichita to pick it up and came back to Lawrence. Now came the hard part, hiding it for twelve days and keeping my composure until then. It was torture. Sometimes I thought about whether I wanted to blow the secret early and propose to Ashley before the 22nd. But I was patient. I waited for the moment I had been planning for six weeks.
Wednesday, March 22nd finally arrived. We left for Lawrence and arrived at the Nelson-Atkins Museum, Ashley wholly unaware of what I was carrying in my jacket pocket. We went around the side of the building, trying to find the entrance. We ended up on the lawn I planned to propose to her at. I had wanted to look at some of the exhibits before popping the question, but we were already there and I could not keep it together anymore. The moment I had been looking forward to my entire life had arrived.
I looked out over the lawn and said what I had cooked up in my mind during the endless hours pushing carts. "Now this is the kind of lawn we could have if we were married. But for that to work, you have to answer the question I'm about to ask correctly."
I'm not sure if Ashley understood what was going on until I opened the box I had pulled out of my pocket and started to get down on one knee. My scheme had worked and she was totally caught off guard by it. She managed to nod and I slipped the ring on her finger.
It was the most terrifying and exhilarating moment in my life. But it worked out as perfectly as I imagined. We did not necessarily enjoy the museum after that as much as we could have, but that was because we were giddy over the engagement. Ashley could not stop staring at the ring.
That was the story of how I asked Ashley to marry me. The actual marriage will occur in June and much like when I asked Ashley to marry me, I'm already starting to count down by the hour.
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